normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
