I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
