i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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