not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize