Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
