I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
