Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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