can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
