i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
