please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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