Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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