No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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