hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
