I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ok first of all what the fuck
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
