I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
