Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize