After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize