a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
