she was so not down for the gang bang
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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