Acid is not a monday night drug
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
pray to the hookup gods
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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