I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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