Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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