Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
