Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
