I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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