Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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