all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
