just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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