when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
