He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
