Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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