I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
