You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
