I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize