I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
