Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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