Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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