We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish i was in the wii world.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
