i permit you to call me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
