sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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