apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
