Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
