So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
