I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
