can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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