Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize