So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
