You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
