He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
