The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
