whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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