That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
