She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
