her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
