You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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