party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
