rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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