omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
