Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
