i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
