i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The best revenge is premature balding
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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