Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
