How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
