Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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