Swine flu. Run for my life!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize