That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
