some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
