why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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