Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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