"it" just moved
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
