dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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