In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
