Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
