Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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