Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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