I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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