I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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