Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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