So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
