i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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