at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
