You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
