Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
