8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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