Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
