Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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