I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i drank out of a bidet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
