Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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