She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
