WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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