I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry about my life...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
