im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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