go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
