Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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