Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
