I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
