this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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